I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
