how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize