If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
