what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
