he shaved USA in his pubs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
