Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
