I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
