They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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