Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
