Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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