I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
