Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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