Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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