My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
