You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
