That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
