Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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