You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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