even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
