Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
