It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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