please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize