I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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