capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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