so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
