dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
