Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
