So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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