Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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