i just had sex bonerless
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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