I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
