the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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