wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Randomize
