Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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