I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
