So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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