He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
