who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
