if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
