this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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