I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
