she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
