Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
