I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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