There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
