I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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