i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
