omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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