Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
