my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is wine microwaveable?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
