I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize