I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
