You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
