Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
