Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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