god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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