Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
