Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
