all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
