Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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