This girl is more easily done than said...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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