i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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