i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
