Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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