At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Never underestimate the power of titties
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