For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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