I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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