yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
