apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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