Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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