my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
