Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
