You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
