i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
