bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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