I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
