Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
