I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
