I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
