you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
