Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
