i love accidental penises.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
