Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
