ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
