I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
