pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
