Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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