Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
