you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
