The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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