I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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