Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
