the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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